2018 JetsFix Mailbag

Welcome to the JetsFix Mailbag! Remember, everyone was supposed to ask one Jets/NFL question and one non-NFL question. Questions are in italics with the responses in normal text.

Thanks for all the great questions. Here comes part three - let's get to it!

TheCommercialComplainer •

Would you like the Jets to change their logo/uniform?

I really don't like every suggestion I see for a new uniform. I still really want to see them use the 80's or 90's throwbacks for nostalgic reasons. Just one time will do.

What is your single favorite Simpsons episode?

We established in last year's mailbag that this type of question is impossible. I guess a partial list would have to look like this one:

1-10 (some combination of 10 episodes that probably includes 22 short films, Homer at the Bat, Homerpalooza, Road Trip, Cape Feare and, um, five other obvious ones which I'm not listing here for brevity)
11-633 (some combination of the rest of the episodes apart from...)
634 - That one where they implied the Phantom Menace isn't awesome
635 - Moe's bar rag
636 - Lisa the smoking Ballerina
637 - The one where Homer had a new girlfriend but it turned out to be a dream or something
638 - Lady Gaga
639 - Hit by a bus
640 - Anything with Disco Stu in it.

Disgruntled Jets Fan •

Assign each of the three current Jets QBs to these fates this season (one each). Either:
Traded
Injured for the year
Starts the rest of the season

So I think I'd marry Josh McCown and I'd kill...oh, wait - that wasn't what you asked.

Bridgewater will probably be traded AND start the rest of the season...for someone else.

And even if McCown doesn't start and replaces an injured Darnold, he'll probably get injured before he gets through the rest of the season.

So who starts for the rest of the season if both Darnold and McCown go down injured? Bridgewater obviously. But he was traded, wasn't he? Yes, but maybe he was traded in preseason but then we were forced to trade for him to come back at the deadline. But then that wouldn't be one each, it would be one for Darnold, the same one for McCown and then two for Bridgewater, including one twice.

So, I guess it has to be Teddy traded, McCown injured, Darnold starts the rest of the year. But mine was more interesting.

Make a futbol starting 11 out of the current Jets roster.

Goalie? Gotta be Terrelle Pryor because he has the #1 jersey.

Fullbacks? Lawrence Thomas and Dimitri Flowers, obviously.

Central defense? Avery Williamson for his tackling ability and Robby Anderson for his ability to win the ball in the air.

In midfield? Spencer Long because he can make Long passes, Mike Pennel, in case we need someone to take a Pennelty kick and Antonio Garcia because he just sounds like he'd be a good soccer player.

Up front? Morris Claiborne in the Neymar role, only when he rolls around pretending to be in agony, he will actually be injured because he's Morris Claiborne. Let's put Cairo Santos alongside him because his ability to score with his feet is probably useful in a soccer match. We need one more, so let's go with the aptly named Austin Golson.

Jet_UP •

NFL Question: How secure do you think Bowles' job is within the organization? What would need to go wrong for him to be fired? Does a W/L record worse than 6-10 automatically lead to a change or does he have a longer leash given the new QB situation?

I think if they're struggling that badly, Darnold will obviously become the starter and then their final record can be pinned on his growing pains. So Todd would be potentially pretty safe.

Under Woody Johnson I think the media would go for the jugular more after a four win season (or whatever) and probably get Bowles fired, but I get the impression Chris Johnson will be more patient with him than his brother.

Non NFL Question: Given the relative lack of success with the most recent Star Wars movie, and the massive box office decline between Force Awakens and Last Jedi, what do you see for the future of the franchise? Where do they go from here in order to rebound from a seemingly negative trend in ticket sales and movie reception?

Two words: Sith Admin.

Once I unleash my checkmarkwrenchsaber on the galaxy, the box office cash will start rolling in again.

By-Tor •

Jets Question: What odds as a percentage do you give Sam Darnold to start the season as the #1 qb? Please justify your answer.

46.8%.

I base this on the fact that when I assessed Darnold, I didn't feel like he was the finished article and would need to improve his fundamentals (mostly footwork). I do kinda dig how he seems like a boring guy who is obsessed with becoming a great quarterback, though.

So, I lean towards them doing the logical thing and going with a veteran while they give him a little longer to prepare before he's thrown into the fire. I also think those people who assume we won't contend this year so might as well just put him in are underestimating us, because I'd expect them to remain in the race for a wild card spot if all goes well.

However, if Darnold does impress in camp, I think they might go with him even if he's slightly behind one of the others. The bar he has to clear to prove worthy is lower than for the other guys. That's why I went with a number close to 50:50.

Life Question: Since rock is dead, who will save us? Who's the next Van Halen, Aerosmith, Who, Stones, Dead?

My theory on this is that pretty much every decent gig I've been to over the last few years has been a band from 20 years ago, usually doing a 20th anniversary tour to commemorate some album or tour. 20 years ago was basically the peak of the Britpop movement over here, much of which sucked in hindsight but some of which remains awesome. I'm guessing we're also headed towards such 20-year anniversary tours for the proponents of Nu-Metal and emo-core etc over the next few years (unfortunately) and maybe some 25-year grunge tours.

Anyway, since this is the best stuff around at the moment (because the majority of everything new is too derivative since those making it are too young to realize they're not being original), I foresee it influencing the next generation, likely leading to some substandard imitations which will lead everyone to tire of the genre and move on to the next thing.

So, yeah, that's depressing, huh? I've almost given up looking for new bands. Even my own stuff is mostly 20-year old songs now.

Maybe someone will unexpectedly catch lightning in a bottle and reinvigorate the whole scene. Or maybe we'll all tap out and start listening to Rontez Miles and Bret Lockett.

juunit •

On a scale of warm mayonnaise to Jar Jar Binks, how bad is the new helmet lowering rule going to be?

Wait...which is the good end of that scale?

I'm sure it will screw us out of at least a few wins and end up helping the Patriots while hardly ever getting called anywhere else.

I just bought a lemon tree, but my dog is murdering it with his urine. What should I do?

It's quite a mystery so, being a Brit, I decided to work my connections and get Deshaun Watson to ask Sherlock Holmes (who is a big Texans fan).

He simply told Deshaun "it's a lemon tree, my dear Watson," so I guess he was pretty ambivalent to the whole thing.